Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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