He uses pillows to masturbate.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize