I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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