HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
