Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
