Only a mothe r could love this liver
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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