Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
