so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
