Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
