Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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