Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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