even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
