If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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