3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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