i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
