With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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