ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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