NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
