this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
