Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
