He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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