I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
