Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
