His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
