We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
