I smell stomach acid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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