lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize