there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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