Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
