I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
