Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
