Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
