I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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