it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
