she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
