That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
