I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
