I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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