Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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