Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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