Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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