Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
