I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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