That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
