Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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