I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
