ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
