Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
zippers are such a cool invention
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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