I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
