That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
