Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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