And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
