You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
