i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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