There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As shirtless as possible
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
