I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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