i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
