Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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