He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
