Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
