evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
