you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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