just tell him i said nine months
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
