Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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