She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
