On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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