Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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