I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
