I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Floor bacon is actually really good
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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