Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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