If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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