Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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