i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
