A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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