OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
